Please Read This First...

On 5th January, 2016, I took my daughter to school - just like any other morning.
That was the last time I ever saw or heard from her.
She's now in Foster Care, having made horrendous allegations against me.

This blog is my attempt to explain how and why this has happened - plus perhaps the odd occasional update.

Many of you may judge me.  All I ask is that you read on and try to reserve your judgement until you've read the whole story.  I really did try my best...

So why do this?  Why write about myself and what's happened so openly when, quite frankly, it tears me apart and leaves me open to judgement and unfair criticism?  There are many reasons...

I'm writing this in the hope that one day Milly might read it and believe it.  Then perhaps she'll understand that what she thinks happened never really did.   I don't know how many more 'tomorrow's' I have - none of us do...  but at least this way I can try and explain things to her.  Whether she believes me it not is another matter...

I'm also writing this because I know that the BBC are considering doing a programme that specifically highlights the issues around parenting High Functioning girl's with Autism.  To be blunt, it's bloody hard work - especially once they reach their teenage years.

And the other reason?

Because there's a stigma attached to parent's such as me who haven't done anything wrong but get treated as though they have.  My husband and I are not the only parents to have had our lives ripped apart because of Autism...  or to be more precise, because of a lack of understanding of Autism and how it presents itself.  I want people to know that they are not alone if something like this ever happens to them...  because I can assure you you will feel alone.  And you'll blame yourself and replay things over and over in your head, trying to second guess where it all went so wrong and how you never saw the signs.
Let me assure you, the signs are so subtle you would never have been able to change the outcome on your own.  So stop beating yourself up.  You've been through enough already.

The truth is this...

There are only a small handful of professionals that exist who know and understand the complexities of High Functioning Autistic girls.   We have spoken to one of them and she has explained to us the probable reasons as to why this has happened.   But Social Services refuse to meet or even speak with her and refuse to acknowledge that my daughter is 'in crisis'.   I have asked them repeatedly to access additional support for Milly, but as they only look at her surface behaviour and see a whole host of 'positive' changes (I'll elaborate on that later on), they see no need and simply don't realise the damage they are causing by not helping her.

But you see, it's not even that simple...

As Milly is now 15 years old, she gets to call the shots. That's simply the way that Social Services deal with her age group.  So no one can make Milly get the mental health help that she needs.  It still doesn't excuse Social Services ignoring our plea to access additional support for themselves in dealing with Milly...  But if I'm honest I think they either don't believe us or just really don't care.

 *

I'm sure I'm stating the obvious to you, but Milly is not my daughter's real name.  I chose it because as a child she named a lot of her toys Milly.  We didn't know back then that we were raising a daughter with Autism, but in hindsight this was one of many tiny clues.

So...  Unless I say otherwise, all names have been changed.

As you read ahead you will notice that this is a 'book style' blog - mainly because I needed to find a way to give it some structure.  If you feel the need to comment or ask questions, please do.  I have nothing to hide.  Far from it.

I hope it helps point to the truth...